I Am Not A Gay American

There is a phrase that I have come to detest, and in realizing this, I’ve had to ponder what exactly that means. The phrase came to us first, I believe, from former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey, who in resigning office announced to the world that he was more than just your average New Jersey politician but was in fact, also, a “gay American.” (I believe he resigned for having an affair with and later being blackmailed by a member of his security detail, not because he was a gay American, but that’s the phrase that stands out five years later.)

While I’m sure at a certain level this has always been the case, it seems to me that now, nearly a decade into the 21^st century, we Americans are a tad bit obsessed with labels. We have as many words to identify ourselves as Eskimos have for snow. If I so desired, I could say “I am a gay, Irish-, Franco-, Native American” and it would be entirely truthful but I have to wonder…why would I ever want to? Why does any of that matter? Should any of that matter? Against what am I handicapping when I say those things? Do those things outweigh a lesbian, Hispanic-, Scandinavian-, carb-free American? And if not, why bother?

This made me think of a remark Theodore Roosevelt once made, when addressing the Knights of Columbus in 1915:

"There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism.”

Now, when he said that, TR was a former president who was still considering another grab at the brass ring, and was looking down the barrel of World War I in a way most Americans were steadfastly refusing to do. He was talking about divided nationalities, but I think his words still resonate today. I mean, I was born here. My parents were born here. Their parents were born here. We’re southern, it goes back that way for quite a while. Something close to 35 generations, in fact. So while I distantly I have heritage that is not American, what bearing could that possibly have?

I'm certain I have friends and colleagues whose non-American heritage is less distant, and thusly may influence their perspective on a daily basis, but short of saying out-loud "As a Chinese-American of Female Identification, I would just like to say that ice cream gives me indigestion so could you guys try not to get an ice cream cake for my office birthday party this year?", when would such a thing be necessary to say? If one wants to hyphenate their Americanism on a racial basis, isn't it usually a little unnecessary to do so? Unless one is addressing a cluster of blind folks like the ones who wander around Chelsea all the time and keep bumping into me outside my gym. Then I guess there might be cause. But any other time? I have doubts.

And while I can easily equate my sexual orientation with my ethnic heritage, I freely accept that there are those who will choose not to do so. But I have to wonder, when they are introducing themselves as “gay Americans,” are they not asking you to evaluate them strictly through that particular lens, which they’re handing to you? And if you like them more than other gay Americans you’ve known, well, bully for them, but if you like them less, will you not always wonder if it’s just because you only chose to evaluate them through that particular lens? Which they handed you?

TR’s speech went on to call for sweeping immigration reform (the kind that would terrify Congress today if any politician suggested it let alone a former president), and gave a clarion call for Americans to stand together to stamp out racial and religious persecution in this country, which he only felt would be possible if we stopped thinking of ourselves as anything else before “American.” We’re in this together, or we’re not. Right?

While my sexual orientation certainly influences some of my decisions, and has absolutely colored my experience as an American differently than it would have were I heterosexual, the gays don’t have their own country. Or their own state. We have some neighborhoods, but they're not exclusive--I know for a fact most of those blind people are dyed in the wool breeders--but that’s about it. And while I absolutely believe it’s important for gays to be out in the open about their orientation, especially ones who live in the public eye, I don’t see any reason to place that before their national identity. Especially at a time when we are asking, begging, our country, our government, our neighbors to see us...as no different from themselves. Deserving of the same rights. Embodying the same qualities of compassion, concern, and patriotism.

I’m an American, first and foremost. Nothing should ever come in front of that. Nothing. With or without a hyphen.